A Letter To the Dallas Cowboys: You Broke My Heart.
Alright, Cowboys Nation, so we’ve completed the required 48 hours of incredulity and are currently in the rage phase, right?
In case you are not aware, I’m talking about the grieving process’ five stages.
The stages are denial, rage, bargaining, sadness, and acceptance, and most fans, based on my Twitter/X feed as of right now, are in stage two.
furious over how easily the Green Bay Packers won the match.
Furious that another highly anticipated season has ended too soon.
Feeling angry at yourself for letting your team’s lack of skill win you over again in January.
We all grieve in different ways and I like to deal with grief the same way as many other adults with coping issues, by using humor.
To navigate you through my grief, I will be using a vessel that is very dear to me and many others of my generation:
My favorite actor, comedian, and entertainer, Adam Sandler.
I can rattle off quotes from memory of pretty much any Adam Sandler movie ever made.
Without further adieu, here is an ode to the team we are so disappointed with.
I’m talking to you, Dallas Cowboys. This letter is for you.
You Blew It!! (Billy Madison)
You lost back-to-back road games in December, but in the final weeks of the season, everything came together flawlessly.
For the third consecutive year, you ended the season with twelve victories, while the rival Eagles had a disastrous collapse.
Your stunning victory over the Detroit Lions and Philadelphia’s incompetence earned you the second seed in the league.
In the final week of the regular season, an improbable set of events culminated in the Wildcard round, sparing you from the deadly Seahawks and the scorching Rams.
After Jimmy Johnson’s admittance into the Ring of Honor ended the nearly three-decade curse, the fan base was ecstatic, right?
All of the stars were aligned for a deep playoff run to silence the doubters and put the Cowboys back in the Super Bowl conversation.
Instead, you came out flat and uninspired, arguing amongst yourselves.
A step slow on defense and a step too short on offense until it was too late.
Another embarrassing playoff exit later, and we are talking about the draft before the calendar turns to February.
You blew it.
Where Were You? (Jack & Jill)
I’m talking to the team with nine All-Pro players who dominated so many inferior teams during the regular season.
That team on the field Sunday with the Packers is not the team that we watched win nine games by a margin of 20 points or more.
It wasn’t the team that set so many NFL records that likely prompted us to believe in the first place this season would finally be different.
That team, if that’s really what you want to call yourselves, was nothing more than a band of impostors sent to make the Packers look better than their 9-8 record.
The question we have been asking ourselves since the 2nd quarter that fateful Sunday is, where were you?
Are You Too Good For Your Home? (Happy Gilmore)
You weren’t a suitable fit for your house in this instance. Simply put, you weren’t good enough at home.
Following an undefeated home record in 2023 and a 16-game winning streak that began in 2022, you kept your lone loss for the most important match.
After the loss, a different streak continues, but it’s one that benefits the Green Bay Packers.
The Packers have now won 10 of the previous 11 matchups and have never lost at AT&T Stadium following the 48-32 thrashing.
For a team we thought had changed the home-field advantage narrative, you sure did wait for a heck of a time to show us we were wrong.
You got bullied on your own field and got sent home.
Hey, We Can Fix This (Big Daddy)
The fact of the matter is no matter how angry we are at you, we will be back for training camp to support you.
However, you need to make some changes to get us to trust you again.
You have to get to the bottom of why defenses give our offense so much trouble when they rush four and drop seven into coverage.
There have been a handful of games where opposing teams have surprised you with it and no in-game adjustments have made it better.
Next, you need to get some linebackers to help the defense from getting gashed right up the gut and get Mazi Smith back on whatever diet he was on at Michigan.
Asking him to lose weight after we all thought he was drafted to be a 330-pound force in the middle of the defense wasn’t a smart thing to do.
Lastly, bring in another coach or player to the team that can help build toughness for the playoffs.
A coach or player who has been to the big dance, and knows what a locker room needs to take the team to the next level.
Oh No! We Suck Again! (The Waterboy)
This one seems to be making the rounds of Cowboys Twitter while most fans are still in the anger stage of grief.
Personally, I know enough football to know that a 12-5 team who was good enough for the 2nd seed in the conference and has nine All-Pro players does not suck.
The Dallas Cowboys of 2023 were among the greatest regular season teams in history, whether or not people willing to admit that after yet another early playoff elimination.
They broke numerous NFL records for both team and individual feats, inspiring optimism and dreams throughout Cowboys Nation before they were suddenly dashed.
I’m in mourning for the Dallas Cowboys of 2023—gone too soon.
But before you know it, we’ll be talking about the Dallas Cowboys of 2024 as we eagerly await September to watch you play in what should be another Super Bowl-winning season.
And so begins the vicious cycle once again.
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